BBB#50
Must do- Go with the flow.
Why - What you might want to focus on might not be in the overall plan for you. Don’t hinder progression by trying to be in complete control.
Perspective:
Life is still life. Days go by, and I have to stop to reflect. I still get overwhelmed at times, maybe even a little sad. There are days when I am frustrated and don’t know what to do next—times when I am trying to get across my needs and getting nowhere. Moments are there for me to respond like the new individual that I present. When things don’t go quite my way, it is time to show that this does not affect my happiness. The sun still shines when it wants to, and the same goes for me. I can shine when I want to, and I want to shine all the time. People in my life may not want to be bothered with me when I need them. I look at all the things I need to do and learn to make my purpose a reality for myself. The list of what I need to accomplish is vast and, at times, beyond my understanding. There are days I don’t know what to do or if I should be doing anything at all. Vague is life.
I am on a journey to change my life, and this doesn’t happen overnight. I still find myself in sticky situations or compromised to the point of feeling frustrated. My body will ache. I will hunger for more with not satiations but none of this is in my control. The goal is to learn to ebb and flow with these things. Take what I can endure, be better and realize that I will not conquer everything the day throws at me. It doesn’t make it a lost cost. Successes teach little to failures, so I must learn my lessons and use them to build myself up. Failures are not to tear yourself apart but applaud what you have done well and correct where you have made mistakes.
What I Realized
During this year of journaling, I would love to say that I was not multi-tasking by any means. Even with tasks spanning the realm of possibility, I still think that you should have a focus. My focus was on my purpose, and so I journaled only on that this year. At times I touched on other aspects of my life necessary for my growth, and had I tried to be in total control of it all - I wouldn’t have created happiness. As I began my journey with my purpose, a companion actualized at the same time. I decided to pursue it as well. At times, I did waiver until he, among other things, allowed me to see that the rest would fall into place if I focused on my purpose.
That is not to say that there are times that I need to divert my energies for a bit. This diversion keeps things fresh and allows me the time to regenerate myself towards my personal goals. Overall, my focus is not on my relationship, my children, or the bills; my focus has been on myself. How to create happiness for myself is the only thing that my mind circulates on now. As a result, my children, spouse among other things, also get addressed in this goal. It makes me happy to be there for my children, it also gives me a significant ego boost to satisfy my spouse, but it is all about pleasing myself. If preparing a homemade meal isn’t going to make me happy, I skip that for the day and focus on feeding myself without the extra toil. The household is satisfied when I am.
What I Did Next
Learn to flow better with the ups and downs daily. When a day is going well, I take account of my accomplishments, and then I pat myself on the back for a job well done. The other days where something else takes over, I don’t beat myself up for not getting my checklist done. I have learned to give myself grace. Something I lacked for most of my life. I take a break if I am spinning wheels and change the focus to something that I can get done without much push back. There are even more times when I have to be. With nothing on my list, and I don’t keep a scorecard when I need breaks. I try to reflect on successes more!