Self-Help Must do – Check yourself before you wreck yourself!
Why – We can be our worse enemy when it comes to our success and failures. We can feed the negative and give ourselves a reason to give up before we even begin.
Falling into old patterns is easier than you think. Negative thinking is not only a habit, but it can divert you from your new path. Old patterns can destroy the good thing, and without paying much attention, you could blame the path itself for your downfalls. Example: stiving towards your purpose must be exhausting at times. I have many bad habits such as negative thinking, fear, trust issues, amongst many others. These bad habits have affected my ability to have faith in myself, persevere, and even remain patient during trying times. I get caught up in the whirlwind of all the changes and react to situations the same. I was getting angry, short-tempered, and using fear to drive how I responded to others. The difference now versus then is, I have been using my words more often. I talk myself down off the ledge, and as I begin talking, I realize that I am repeating old patterns. The more I speak, the more the barriers become non-existent.
What I Realized
We are imperfect creatures. There will be times that we don’t even realize that we are still the problem. I don’t ever want to be the reason I am not successful, and I am not going to blame myself for my patterns. I was able to talk myself down and gave myself some grace, knowing that before, I would not have been so forgiving. The goal should be to keep forging ahead with progress and recognizing what digresses your production. The people you love have patterns that they can not or will not change about themselves. How will you deal with your village in a way that does not take you off your path?
Not everyone will be on the same path or growth trajectory as yourself. You can not fault others for not wanting or desiring the things you do. Continue to set your boundaries with others. Make clear where the line is, so to speak. You may need to cut down contact with them if they are not part of your village. If it is your village, you must continue to be diligent with the line drawing. You are clarifying what that means for you and them. Do not back down when they challenge this area. After trial and error, they will learn that this is the area they can not cross with you, but it will take time.
What I Did Next
I used my new-found knowledge about myself and others to then be less judgmental. I didn’t beat myself for not getting it right when those old patterns emerged. When others do things that no longer creates peace, I reassess how to move forward with them in my life. My boundaries are hard lines that are not drawn in the sand to be quickly erased and redrawn. I analyze the issues that presented themselves. I ponder and do not like it when I am forced to make quick decisions when I am not ready. Instead of appeasing others with a quick decision, I honor myself by telling the world that I need time, and if you push, then the answer is most definitely a hard no. Clear boundaries let my offender know that they will have to wait for my time or accept that no is the answer.
I have also realized that other people’s bad habits affect my own. I either address it with them or spend less time around them, subjecting myself to the torture of not being able to be my authentic self around them. If it is my child, I then teach them what it means to change how I receive them. I teach them they have the power to change how I respond or settle in that my response will not change with their behavior. I am patient with their choice to change or not, but I continue to guide them towards what is best. As a parent, you build them into a person who reacts better, if not all the way different. Patterns can be made new. It is up to you to be the enforcer of the patterns you want to surround yourself with.