Must do - Do what’s needed to feel safe and secure.
Why - Instincts kick in when we don’t feel safe and secure. You will find yourself doing and saying things that are counterproductive to happiness when there are factors that prevent safety.
Safe, a feeling we all must feel to move in the world freely. Safety helps the spirit be more adventurous and desire to explore the surroundings - whether near or far. If safety no longer applies, other feelings can replace security loss. Unfortunately, those feelings tend to be those that help to perpetuate more negative emotions and prevent you from ever reclaiming safety. Negative feelings do not allow balance. Instead, they create an imbalance that can be detrimental if not checked early enough. They tend to exacerbate and enhance fear. These feelings are counter-intuitive to the goals we aspire to obtain.
What I Realized
So how do you stop the “fight or flight” our bodies automatically respond to when life tends to take us elsewhere? The moment you feel unsafe, stop and assess what is happening to make you feel this way. Is it a place or a person you can remove? Was there a change in circumstance, a touch, or a comment that you can call to attention? Or is it just an eerie feeling, and you can’t quite pinpoint it? The latter is more important than any other circumstance because that is your spirit guiding you and tends to be more detrimental than all of the rest because you are unsure. If you’re not in the safety of your home, then retreat. Return to a place, a moment where there is still comfort. Sometimes you cannot just run from a situation, but you can place yourself back into a healthy mind space.
For example, you’re at work, things are going fine, in the middle of a meeting, tables turn so quickly, and you find yourself backed into a corner. Give yourself some time and space from the situation. Can you differ to another point where you will be more prepared? Is it a person that is causing you to be uncomfortable? Can you add another person to the team? Take a bathroom break or retreat to your desk or office for more information; this just gives you the moments you need to reassess and return on better footing. Or you are out with friends, someone in the group changes the group dynamic with negative energy, split off from the group for a while. Or situate yourself between those in the group you connect with better. Excuse yourself, go home early and keep a mental note for future get-together’s that may include this person or people.
What I Did Next
Assess the situation and make the reasonable adjustments necessary to get back to a feeling of safety. Learn your triggers! It is essential to know the things, people, and situations that make you feel unsettled. Find ways to maneuver through them and save face respectfully. Not sure how to handle it? Use your confidants and sounding boards on how to handle situations, people, and work conflicts. Sometimes it will take more drastic actions by yourself that may include superiors or human resources. Even less, you may need to contact a mediator or lawyer. Avoid certain people as much as possible and when you can’t control the circumstance, take deep breaths and slow your movement. Frantic movements can cause things to heighten and get out of control quickly. If it is someone you can’t avoid, is there a way to better monitor your emotions? Maybe it is time to search for other employment that fits you better. Know that relocating is not always the best solution. When dealing with many different personalities, you will still be around people with conflicting personalities. Categorize, is it just not liking someone, or are you in danger. If it is dangerous, remove yourself immediately.
Remember that your safety is essential when it comes to all situations. You will occasionally need a day or two to access if the problem is a high priority. Please allow yourself the time to reflect with purpose. Then see who you can go to fix the situation regarding safety. At home, you have more control over who you are around. Sometimes it is about finding the right fit financially as much as finding the right mate. One size does not fit all. But if you are genuinely feeling unsafe, now is the time to act and make the necessary changes to remove yourself permanently from fear.