Learn what kind of Alpha Female you are, and then act accordingly.
I have been for my entire life defined by the world as an alpha female. I didn’t actually own that phrase until much later, and when I did, it was under duress. As a little girl, that was not my intention, nor was it my intention to be something other. I didn’t define those terms for myself. I just wanted to be me, whoever that was. As I got older, I fell into categories, and so the rest of the world began to define me, although I hated the titles so. I have always made the most money in my serious relationships, and to be honest, I didn’t have many serious ones. In those relationships, our friends and family would say that my personality naturally dominated those relationships. I naturally have taken care of those that were aligned with me, including my significant other at the time.
I may not have consciously chosen this position, but I was headstrong and did not trust any man to lead. They tended to lead with the wrong head (if you know what I mean), and I would not get with the program. So to be with me, you had to get in line with my program. I was miserable. As a result, I forced change, as described in the poem A Rebirth (HIM: Poetic Expressions of Self-Worth). I don’t mind leading my children, but a grown, stubborn man who believes he is the sun was a heavy burden to bear. My shoulders weren’t wide enough to carry the girth, and although I am strong enough, I had no desire to.
Reflection: I began to wonder why my relationships were such a mess. The only time they seemed to work out well is if they were good friends or homey lovers. I wanted more and believed I deserved so much more than what I was receiving. So was I really an Alpha female, or had I let the world define me instead of defining myself (BBB#5 What is Stability)? An Alpha Female is defined as a dominant female, a self-assured and strong woman. Okay, by that definition alone, I can agree to those terms, but I was missing many nuisances that the individual can only define.
Like anything that is defined, many shades fall underneath the broad stroke of Alpha Female. We are unique individuals (BBB#4 Be a Snowflake) and cannot be defined by just words alone. The question I had to answer for myself what type of Alpha Female I am? I knew for sure I wasn’t the kind that wanted to be in control of everything. I needed a man that was as dominant as me but honored my strength at the same time. So I decided that the next guy I dated couldn’t be with an Omega, Beta, or any other type. I desired an Alpha man—a man who was dominant, self-assured, and strong like I. The Fear was not to become a slave to his thoughts, feelings, and actions.
There is a male that compliments every woman and for every man a woman. Once I knew that I couldn’t date anything but an Alpha, the goal was to create a self that magnified him because I wasn’t going to look for it.
The Test: There is a delicate balance to every situation. Sometimes the scale tips in directions that you do not desire. It is then that my Alpha Self Advocate for my needs, wants, and desires. I don’t mind submitting to an Alpha Male. However, I cannot for any other type of man. I know because I have tried. For years I scrambled with the idea of submission but not for the reason that I thought. Submit has several definitions as follows:
2) (transitive) To enter or put forward for approval, consideration, marking, etc.
3) (transitive, mixed martial arts) To win a fight against (an opponent) by submission.
4) (transitive, obsolete) To let down; to lower.
5) (transitive, obsolete) To put or place under.
Submission has always been presented to me as the last and final definition. The meaning that has the least value. Once I realized that the first one is where I should have placed my understanding, submission became easier. Like a true Alpha, male or female, you know the art of submission and how it enhances your authority as an Alpha.
For the past year, I have been dating an Alpha Male who also understands this concept. He knows when to yield and when to push his point, as do I. I now find myself continuing on my Journey to Forever Happiness, enlightened by the path I have chosen. It is the first time that my relationship is healthy, interdependent, and a pleasure to be in. The work that I put into this relationship doesn’t feel like work at all. I know when to yield, give consideration, and when to fight against.