Learn to utilize doubt to motivate yourself .
My Life: I went to sleep last night praying that I was on the right path and that if I wasn’t that God would direct me gently but quickly to the right one (BBB#25 The Right Path). I am blindly feeling my way through the process of becoming a writer. I find myself not patting myself on the back for making it through another day (BBB# No Judge, No Jury). Instead, I have been critical of the process and doubting that I have been doing anything of value. I haven’t been judging myself with standards that I have made for myself but with the measuring stick of others. How hard it has been to let those go. Even when I think I have made progress in that area, I see that I have barely moved the needle. I can see the fault in this way of thinking, but I haven’t positively changed it for the better. That doesn’t mean I am going to give up on trying.
There are days when I think about what I am trying to accomplish and wonder if I am going about it the right way. I have to remind myself that everyone’s journey isn’t the same, and there is no wrong way or right way. What there is should be a will. What do you want for your life? A question that I have to restate to myself often. I often revisit this question because I find that something happens, like an offer for an assistant position, and I am ready to drop everything and run. I am used to feeling se
cure in the unreliable. I worked like a dog for years and barely made ends meet. So why I am so willing to drop my dreams for the struggle. It’s all I know! We get comfortable with situations because it is familiar (BBB#9 Contentment in the Chaos). I spent 16 years in a bad relationship because it was familiar. It was “easier” to return to empty promises than taking a chance on someone else. I could trust his lies and knew what was truth and what was a lie. If I moved on to someone new, I would have to begin again, not knowing what truth or lie was.
Reflection: It took becoming fed up with that relationship and sure that I was better alone than dealing with him to let go. I have to become fed up with the status quo of what corporate gives to me. I feel like I have in some respects. I wish there were training wheels for this type of endeavor. If I take a chance on myself as I did in my new relationship, I might find that I am pleasantly surprised. I may find the kind of happiness I’ve avoided when I play it safe if that is what you can call it. Instead, I need to realize that my self-worth isn’t only with him (HIM: Poetic Expressions of Self-Worth). I must Hone My Power (BBB# 49) every day and know that what is for me is for me.
The Test: Forge forward with faith in myself and check in daily to see if I was successful with the belief. What did I do today that honored myself and my gift? What can I do to make tomorrow better than today? It will be unseen and take a while to build the bridge that will hold up through the test of time. This means that I need to consider how I build only this bridge. I cannot pick up other tasks and still progress with bridging simultaneously. The most important thing to my success today and having faith today.