There Comes Change

BBB#42


Must do - Be uncomfortable until it becomes the new comfortable.


Why - Anything new is uncomfortable at first. Learning to skate, ride a bike or eat with chopsticks is awkward at first. Over time, and with a lot of practice, these new practices will become comfortable and second nature.


Perspective:

I find it hard to relax, more and more. I find it uncomfortable to be comfortable. No longer pretending to be in control, allowing life to happen, and just adjust my response accordingly is a smoother ride. Honestly, the smoothness is unsettling, although it has been the best time of my life. I spent my entire existence having tantrums every time the world dished out obstacles that now it seems strange to be so relaxed. Life has not stopped having obstacles that I must face, but my reaction is vastly different. I used to bump around, getting angry and having meltdowns over things not going my way. It wasn’t because I was spoiled; I was tired of hurting and living life in pain. It took many bible lessons about how Christians don’t have an easier go at it because they gave their lives to God. They have a place to put their burdens down when life becomes overwhelming. Life is good because you choose to make it so. I am choosing to get used to the calm even in storms. I am learning to enjoy it, rest and relax in this different approach. Here is the place I have always wanted to be.

What I Realized

I was the reason for my misery. We create a dynamic in our lives that are either positive or negative. Happiness is made in our reactions to situations and has very little to do with the circumstance itself, the same for those of us who live in turmoil. Every person that lives has good days and terrible days with all kinds of combinations in between. I was the reason I was not happy with life and my blessings. I was too focused on everything that went wrong to recognize what did go right. I focused on the fact that I was raped instead of knowing that I didn’t get any life-altering STD. I focused on the tears instead of the smiles. I focused on the fact that I was raising children on my own and not praising that I had them at all. Slowly, I began to focus on the things about life that made it worth living. My life shifted with my thoughts. Our minds are powerful vessels that we barely use to their full capacity. After deciding to be happy, you have to change your thought process daily to reflect on what you seek.


What I Did Next

I made a list of my joys. Everything made me happy, from writing to being outside feeling the sun rays on my skin. After I made the list I tried to organize those joys. Joys that I couldn’t live another day and claim happiness if this was absent from my life. Joys that if I were missing from my day, I could still be happy, but this would be icing on the cake. In the list, I found things that brought me little to no joy, so I replaced what I did with the things that brought only joy. I started one week with a list of a few things I could do daily to help me feel the happiness. I added joys and took away the other things that brought no thrill to my day.


I felt guilty sometimes with some of the things that I didn’t want on the list. It didn’t bring me joy to look for work. I felt that it was wrong of me not to include something that would help me take care of my family, mostly since I was the breadwinner. I put it in perspective, though. It was not as if I didn’t want to be gainfully employed. I wanted to be happy with whatever I decided to do next to bring income to the home. I could no longer just go through the motions and expect a different outcome from handling life. I decided to take a chance on myself. Make my joys a way to bring income to the home.