BBB Entry #12
Must do - Know who you are when around and involved with others.
Why - Some of your characteristics are not the same when you are in a relationship with another. You need to know who you are with others to set boundaries to establish healthy habits outside of self.
Sapiosexual...a word I just learned as of late which describes how I move in relationships. It means a person finding intelligence sexually attractive or arousing. Had I known about this categorization much sooner, I might have been able to avoid a lot of heartache and confusion. It explains why I dug certain men and didn’t have time for others. This title clarifies why I stuck with a terrible relationship for so many years. It is also why only a couple of men are remembered fondly versus my many other encounters. I was always unsure why certain men just did it for me while I didn’t have time for others. I began not to trust my decisions regarding my relationships with men. It didn’t help that I was given plenty of reasons not to trust males in my youth. I have met some wonderful men and thought to myself, now why can’t I just dig him. He was nice enough, into me a great deal, willing to allow me to be me, and I just thought of them as friends. Meanwhile, the brother I felt I shouldn’t give the time of day was the one I was head over heels for, and I just couldn’t understand why.
What I Realized
Conversation is the spark that piques my interest and will ultimately lead to the fire that makes my blood boil for more. There is a combination of things that need to be there to sustain my interest. My mates’ personality must be one of an alpha, and my dominance can overpower any other into being submissive to me. A man without a backbone is dinner like the mate of a black widow spider or praying mantis. Although I have a dominant personality, I never want to be in charge or “wear the pants,” so to speak, in my romantic relationships. It is a careful balance of assertive and adorning to sustain our union. The combination cannot be off-balanced, because that would mean we could only be friends. He would have a gentle dominance that would create a lovely variety to sustain me over a long period. Knowing myself helps me to trust myself with all things. Know yourself to trust yourself!
What I Did Next
Now that I have grown older and taken the time to get to know myself, I trust myself more. This trust allows me to spread my wings to fly. Not to say that now, after so long, I might be a little afraid of what air feels like beneath my wings, but I am now determined to build up the courage to do this thing here, which is to fly. Is there a part of your life that puzzles you? This lack of understanding about yourself can lead to you not trusting your decisions in that area. Lack of trust can then bleed into other aspects of your life where you are competent. So trust yourself. If you don’t know what is lacking in self, search it out. Something has you bound. So figure out what it is to free yourself.
As people, we want to be around others, we need others, but we can’t put others above or before ourselves. The time you spend with them should be the time you spend with yourself, and the time you spend with self should be the time spent with others. Sometimes there needs to be an overhaul of priorities. You need to be at the top of the list of priorities in your own life. Prioritize everything else in order of importance behind self. No “ifs,” “ands,” or “buts” about it. No excuses or antidotes will make life better until you learn to trust yourself and the choices you make for yourself. You can’t make the best choices for someone you never spend time getting to know. It’s just that simple.