From Non-existent to Painfully Aware

Born Beautifully Boundless Entry#1


Must do - Figure out your purpose and how to use it to benefit others.


Why - There is nothing like a life unlived. You were born for a reason, and to live in forever happiness, you must not only know the reason but use it.


Perspective:

Day 10 of quarantine, I turned, coughed, and pulled a groin muscle in the middle of the night. Now I am not sure how many people can relate to this pain, but it is up there with having a baby. The major difference is that you can still be experiencing the pain as you had when the wound was fresh days and weeks later. In the dead of night, I am screaming out in pain, with the silence of the night air to respond. Needless to say, both of my children remained sound asleep as if I just happened to snore loudly. It was amazing but also a blessing in disguise that I hadn't awakened the toddler lying next to me. What happened while no one noticed created weeks of uncomfortable days and nights thereafter. For the next couple of weeks, I nursed, winced in pain every time I used the muscle. Come to find out; this muscle helps you laugh, sneeze, cough, reach, extend, go to the bathroom, pass gas, and so much more.


After a good workout, you know the saying that muscles are sore that "you didn't even realize you had." How often do we take things for granted? It could be as small as the muscles in our body, limbs, to bigger things like moods, jobs, people, friendships, spouse, and children. We go through life without noticing all the things we have because we are so focused on something we are trying to obtain. In a mere second, I was made painfully aware of this muscle. I have continuously used this muscle throughout my existence and never really paid this muscle any attention until I was forced to. It can take a second to shift your life from what it was to something entirely different, good or bad.


Needless to say, for some time now, I have been feeling constrained. Not just bound to my home (COVID), but now my body has put limitations on my already limited day. The muscle is a second by second reminder of what I cannot do and a long “to do” list of things that I need to improve that muscle. The choice is simple; I can either look at this limitation as another negative or try to find the positive or blessing in the circumstance. Normally I am a glass half empty type of girl, but I recently decided to try the latter.


What I Realized

Yes, all this pondering happened because of a pulled groin! I get it, my train of thought might be too dramatic for you, but my drama has allowed enough reflection to improve myself. Open your mind with me! My scope is far greater than the simple muscle injury. The mere fact that this pain is caused to be ever cognoscente to all my pain, inside and out, present and past. And how this pain could be negatively affecting the life that I live today. I live in constant pain and fear that has stemmed back further than I would like to admit to myself. I blamed the world for moving too fast. I blamed the people because they are not in touch with themselves as I am with myself. I blamed myself for not being enough to keep up. Then alone, I drowned in a dignified way.


When you look at people, you can see only a snippet of their life, whether it is happiness, sadness, or a whole host of other emotions. This moment can make you believe in their happiness or lack of. There are some people out there who are great at making life look simple and pleasurable all the time. Then, much later, you find out that they were miserable the entire time, if not more than you are. Meanwhile, there are others that you may believe live in constant turmoil and come to find out that also isn't true. We tend to walk around, forgetting that everyone has complexity in their lives and that our reactions to life are just that—our reaction. Okay, so take a deep breath…


What I did Next

So, my pulled muscle, I had to make a conscious choice to be better and do better, so that part of my body healed. The other option was to continue through the pain, try to ignore it, and eventually make it worse. NO blame, no-fault, no excuses, just a course of action to improve my mobility. My muscle was worth it, and I am more than worth it if attention has to be made to one singular muscle to ensure that the rest of the body continues to function at its best.


The same could be said for the other things in my life that I struggled with or brought me grief. I could choose to make some true effort, plan my next steps, and make adjustments when things didn't seem to be getting better. Or continue with the status quo of believing that just living would make it better. The real truth is that I should not be surprised when, eventually, all things become worse by ignoring it.


My decision was obvious. It was time to journey from the pain into pleasure before life is over, and all I have lived through is grief. How about you?