Fear: The “One Day” Theory


Today is the “one day” you are looking for.

My Life:

A few days ago, I was scrolling on Instagram. I often see quotes from past acquaintances that make me stop and pause. I love it when they have such positive things to say. I am grateful that they, too, have found purpose (BBB#1 From Non-Existent to Painfully Aware). However, my heart bleeds when I see the opposite being put out for the world to see. I know the feelings of anguish, loss, and depression (BBB#9 Contentment in the Chaos) well, and I wish everyone finds their way out. It is a hard road to travel, and without happiness, life can be pretty bleak. Instead of preaching to them, I use it as ammo for my next blog, YouTube talk, or inspirational quote that I post on all my media pages. The Quote that was written that stopped me in my tracks said: One Day, I’ll be someone’s everything…

I wanted to respond by saying that someone should be yourself. What are you waiting for? If you look outward to fill yourself, you will always be empty, feel incomplete, and search outward for something unattainable. You will never be able to attract the person who is full enough to be the right fit. You will continue to be around what you are, a person who lacks. Focusing outward does nothing but harm the goals and aspirations that we have for ourselves.

Reflection: Before sitting in silence and trying to find contentment with whatever conditions I was in at the moment, I would not have agreed with anything that I have stated above. I would have said I do love myself. I would have disagreed with the fact I was looking outward for something I needed to address within. I would have argued that my understanding was misconstrued. Yes, there would have been a fact in those wise statements for someone other than me. Not because of what was said but because I did think that I had self-love. I felt that because I woke up every day, said and did certain things automatically meant that I had love for myself. The problem is that self-love is work just like any other relationship. You must put energy and effort into loving yourself and doing it better than just well.

Self-Love I believed to be automatic, so there was no need to work at it (HIM: Poetic Expression of Fear & Faith). And since it was automatic, how dare you judge me by saying that I didn’t love myself. I guess this statement can be taken out of context and prevent people from opening to the message. Self-love had degrees like anything else, so to say that you need to love yourself better doesn’t mean you don’t love yourself or even hate yourself. It just means that you need to do a better job at loving yourself. Maybe the way you show love is not healthy enough to have or sustain the type of relationship you are looking for. It doesn’t make you an unloving person. It just means that you have some work to do. When you become more successful at loving yourself in the way you expect someone else to, what you desire will magnetize toward you.

The Test: What have you done today to show yourself the love you desire? Loving yourself better is not a simple task. It will take some reflection time with yourself to know what it is that you genuinely want. Look back at the relationships you have had, whether romantic or not. What worked well and what didn’t? Spend some time on the areas that didn’t work well. Really pick it apart and not only delve into what they did, but what you didn’t do or say either. The jewels lie in your mistake, not theirs.

For Example: When you got frustrated at work today, what was the cause? Immediately you might say, well (blank) didn’t do … Of course not, but could the root lie even deeper than that. I was in the wrong profession altogether. Not working within my purpose took a hard toll on my mental capabilities and overall happiness. I was unable to eliminate the level of frustration I felt when I went to work. Had I known that what I was doing was just a paycheck and I needed to delve deeper into my purpose, I could’ve possibly survived intact. I might have let many of those irritants be brushed to the side if I knew I wouldn’t be spending the rest of my days dealing with it. But at the time, I thought it was my forever, so my frustrations grew as a result. Minor things exasperated my need for something different altogether.

When your children demanded every second of your day, how do you deal with your exhaustion? Of course, you love your children, but it can be draining only to give and never receive. How do you take time to regenerate yourself instead of flipping out on the children? You must take time out for yourself daily and love all over yourself, especially when your kids are young? After your spouse is taken care of, what did you demand to show love for yourself?

The test is more intricate than we like to believe. Take care of your health, mental and physical, before all the other demands of life. Essentially, you’re attaching the life vest to yourself before putting it on anyone else. You can’t help someone else not drown if you’re already drowning. It doesn’t mean you ignore everyone else for yourself. It means to take care of yourself so that you are better equipped to take care of others. You must fill yourself daily to pour into others. If you have nothing, then you give nothing. You can’t ask someone else to do what you are unwilling to do for yourself. I said all of this to say that “One Day” is today. Stop looking ahead to something that is not promised and do for yourself right now.