Trauma can only be defined by the person who lived it.
Before the world began using PTSD to describe what happens to people besides military personnel, I knew in my heart that I suffered from it. I kept it on the down-low because people are very sensitive about these topics, and when you use certain words around others, they are triggered in detrimental ways. My college years were spent around military personnel. I made many friends and associates at the time and realized what it did to their minds. But in similar ways, I was being affected in my own life. That is when I really began to shed much of the darkness that had me consumed. The fact that it was hidden thought prevented me from totally being free.
At the time I couldn’t define what was going on with me in a way that didn’t put me in a compromising conversation that lead to me being more traumatized. I stopped talking about it to others and began to reflect more. I know now that many people can not or will not understand your truth (BBB#12 Trust Yourself). It doesn’t make it any less true. You can yield, which doesn’t mean that you have given in or up. You have decided this conversation is not for this situation, and you learn to fight your battles accordingly. In college, I fought them all, and I exhausted my spirit in doing so. That delicate balance (BBB# 56 Self-Worth: Alpha Female/The Test) had not been obtained as of yet.
Reflection: Trauma is defined as any serious injury to the body, often resulting from violence or an accident, an emotional wound leading to psychological injury, or an event that causes great distress. All three definitions apply to me and my life. I definitely suffered trauma, and PTSD stands for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. PTSD is defined as any condition that develops following some stressful situation or event, such as sleep disturbance, recurrent dreams, withdrawal, or lack of concentration.
Bingo, once again, all of the above. And just like anything else, there are levels to this as well. So I guess the argument back in college should have been that I had a milder form than what someone else was suffering or going through. It doesn’t make it any less challenging to deal with everything relative. Now I m clear on who I am and who I am not (BBB#3 To the Core). The clarity lends for my authentic energy to be manifested into the world and now I attract what I deserve. It’s called synergy, like energy binding with another. This synergy eliminates many of the fears.
The Test: I used to worry about the people who came into my life. More often than not, the people attracted to me were not what I needed or desired in my life. It made it had to tell if it was me or them that needed to change. I definitely know that it was me that needed to change. Once I began to embrace myself in a new light and take control of myself, my ideas, define myself and my purpose to the world I no longer worried about the people who come in it. It is almost like my energy has a repellant or a shelf-life for those who don’t belong in it.
Listen, you got this! Not everyone that is attracted to your energy can have a piece of it. Be true to your energy, and it will naturally want to be here versus there. Listen to your spirit when it comes to new people, don’t question it, not even for a second. Your spirit is everything that you are and if you allow darkness in, it will overshadow your light after long. The more you practice listening to your spirit the easier it becomes and you find yourself worrying less and less about others.