The Emotional Trigger We Don’t Talk About
- May 14
- 3 min read
Yesterday, I was in a conversation with one of my closest confidants. This person is like family, and we have been through the end of the earth together. The issue is that the end of the earth that we stood on was unforgiving and very traumatic. With that said, we are still very close to this day, but the trust we have is not as solid as it could be.
I am in the midst of one of the hugest growth transformations of my lifetime, and although I may struggle, I find that the sky is bluer, and the sun is much warmer than it has ever been. Although nothing has really changed outside of myself. Something shifting in the air between us, subtle enough to miss if you weren’t the one standing inside it. But my body noticed. Our conversation raised, but in no way were either one of us upset with the other, just passionately trying to make our point to one another. The issue for me became that I didn’t really need to share anything with this person; it was my decision. They could have their point of view, but I also had the option not to take it. Instead of continuing the back-and-forth, I tried to close it out by agreeing to disagree.
As I continued to set the boundary they kept crossing, I began to excuse myself from the conversation altogether. It wasn’t worth it; in the end, it was my decision whether they agreed. My muscles stiffened, and I knew I had to exit immediately. I finally was able to before everything hit the fan, and my emotions began to spiral.
Although I had gotten out of the situation, my body was still tense, and I knew it would take some time before I would come back into myself. My system was on full alert by this time, so I did what I could to center myself. What I’ve been learning as I work through my Boundless Perseverance guide is that triggers don’t always come in the form of words or situations. It won’t be as simple as calling you out of your name, pressure, tone, or being in a place where trauma occurred. It might not even look threatening, like someone towering over you to make you feel small on purpose.
Sometimes it is just a person you survived with, and the dynamic you created with them in that mode. Not because they intend to, but because the nervous system does not only remember events. It remembers relationships. Its memory is much longer and more finite than what the brain can retain, and it reacts to them in the same manner it always has.
There is a kind of recognition that happens before thought can intervene. A bodily remembering that doesn’t need agreement to be real. I used to believe I had to explain my way through that feeling in order for it to count. To justify it. To stay until it made sense to someone else. But the body doesn’t wait for permission to react, and it doesn’t require an argument to know when something has shifted.
What I’m beginning to understand is that not every internal alarm is asking to be overridden.
Some are asking to be honored. There is a difference between being uncomfortable and being pulled out of yourself. Between being in conversation and being carried past your capacity to stay present in it.
I don’t think healing has much to do with pushing through those moments anymore. It feels closer to noticing the exact point at which you begin to leave yourself, and treating that moment as information rather than something to dismiss. Not everything needs endurance.
Some things only need recognition.
And in this season of my life, I am learning to stay with that recognition long enough to let it mean something.
If you find yourself struggling with emotional triggers, consider reaching out for support or exploring resources that help build self-awareness and boundary-setting skills. Your path to personal safety and growth starts with recognizing your worth and protecting your well-being.
Heather Ina is an author, ghostwriter & creator of BoundlessHIM, amplifying Black and Brown stories through truth, trauma, triumph & healing. She is the author of Boundless Perseverance, an immersive guide centered on growth, resilience, and self-reflection.
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