Faith: In Foundations

BBB#64

You can only build on the proper foundation.

My Life: You want something big? You need to build upon a sturdy foundation (BBB#18 Building Roots). In my youth, I just wanted to create a wonderful life. I had no idea what it took or where to begin. I wanted to be happy and content. The only images that I had the most exposure to came from the television and movie screens. There were some successful people in my extended family. Still, I knew nothing about networking within my family in those visits. Understanding their personal lives made it a simple reality that material possessions didn’t grant happiness. Their lives confused me about how to obtain success if those I saw were successful were still not who I desired to be like.

Faith: In Foundations

On tv, though, everyone was happy, smiling, and getting along. That was the success that I tried to emulate. I knew happiness was attainable for me, but how? The dysfunction of my family created a wedge with reality and success. I didn’t realize that just because you were successful in some avenues that you could be far beyond the mark in other ways. That the ties that bind caused the deepest of wounds. I had let the world skew my idea of success. Healthy living in my life was how I needed to measure my success (BBB#12 Trust Yourself), not the dollars in my bank account.

I began building with the world’s foundation, money, leaving my ideas behind, and I kept wondering why everything was sinking around me. It frustrated me upon no end to build this wonderful life to have it all disappear if I didn’t constantly stand there fixing it, just like the very first house I purchased. I did, with no real income that allowed me to sustain it comfortably. I struggled on end to make the mortgage payment every month, feed my family and clothe them. The fight to keep it all together made me sink faster into depression and anxiety. The plan was not working. My negative energy snowballed, and my life began to fall apart so quickly that it gave me whiplash (BBB#9 Contentment in the Chaos). In months, I lost my spouse, my job, and almost lost my freedom and home. I felt so defeated. Why couldn’t I get the life I desired?

Reflection: I tried to talk with my mother the other day about my next steps regarding my current living situation; A conversation meant for prayer, not for discussion. In the past, I spent more time speaking to others because it was a form of therapy. It was the only avenue I had for the longest time of venting and clearing my head enough to find a solution, any solution. I knew no other way to get the help I needed or desired besides sharing my story with others and poetry (HIM: Poetic Expression of Fear & Faith). Part of the problem was not telling all my business because it helped to illuminate the secrecy that can foster depression. The problem was that the people I talked to were in the same predicament and had no more answers than I did.

I was able to relieve some of the pressure with conversation and writing. It wasn’t enough to prevent the negativity that I lived through daily. Now I am at a different stage in my progression where I know that people around me will not always have the answers. They may have suggestions, but they may not even be addressing my issue. So, where do I go when I need answers and have none? I am a Christian woman who believes in the Almighty. My prayers get answered, so I continue to remind myself that this should be the first place I go, not the last.

You might not believe as I believe, but there is more than one way to build a foundation. Maybe meditation helps, or your faith is built in something other than Christianity. I am not judging how you create your foundation (BBB#19 Conversations with Self). I am saying you need one. That is something you will have to search for yourself to find the answer to. Ways to make sure that you are building a solid foundation is to have something attainable that delivers. It fills you up so that you can continue your journey; provides solace, answers, and a safe place. Whether it is a person, place, religion, therapy, or spiritual activity, delve further in.

The Test: Creating a routine is necessary to maintain your growth and strengthen your foundation, a set of ideas or practices that you do daily to keep yourself accountable for the success you want to obtain. Whether the goal is rooted in purpose, self-esteem, or faith, a routine helps solidifies the actions it takes to make it happen in your life. When I looked back at all the issues, valleys, storms, and roadblocks in my life, I noticed the pattern of tears that I cried after. All I wanted was to be happy. Not the fleeting kind that only lasted if the roller coaster I was riding at the time. I wanted happiness that permeated throughout my whole being, no matter what I was doing. I began taking stock of those things in my life that helped to facilitate that kind of happiness.

I examined the relationship that I was in, and I knew for a fact that it was the cause of many emotions, but not all of them were good. So, I prayed to be free of loving a man that could never love me back. I prayed hard and daily to be freed from caring for him at all. It came in the form of a dial tone. I reexamined my career, friendships, family bonds, and everything that affected my daily life. I began to pick everything apart. I made sure that I got down to the bare necessities of what made me happy, and then I slowly added one or two things to see where they fell on the happiness spectrum.

There should never be an issue if you need, want, and desire something. Whether it is something you have been doing all your life, it is different and against everything you used to be about. People change, and it is only natural that you flow with these changes. Evolving is part of the natural progression of life. You continue to form new ideas and aspirations from the things accomplished, learned, and dreamt. I don’t want it to just happen to me; I want to be an active part of obtaining and sustaining the things to come. So, I created a foundation to withstand it all. Is your foundation sturdy?